im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
