So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize