I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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