I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
