I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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