shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
two words...techno handjob
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
