Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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