Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
