Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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