Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
