I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
