I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
