Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
