It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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