So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
