Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
