Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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