she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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