Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
