Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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