she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
