Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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