he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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