And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
