Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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