I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't turn off my feet"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
