I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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