I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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