there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
