I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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