cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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