My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
