U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
