the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
