Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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