two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So much rum. So many feels.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
