Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
