Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
