we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
