Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize