Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
