he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
