I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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