Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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