Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
