Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
