Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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