I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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