Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
