WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
