I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
