Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
