Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
