yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
