I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
