I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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