If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
