Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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