me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
