Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was like his penis was on wheels.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
