I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
