I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
