he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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