I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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