i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
