Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Actions speak louder than pants.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
