If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
