You can't motorboat a personality
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
