she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
