You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
