I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
