great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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