They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
