I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
