My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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