So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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