Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
