I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
