I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
