btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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