Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
