have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
