Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
