Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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