She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
