and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
