I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
