Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
