Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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