her vagine was all disorganized.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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